I’ve been through an incredibly intense spiritual and worldly awakening journey, which has allowed me to look at life with completely new eyes. I see a potential in human beings for awesomeness, true joy, happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment hardly anyone knows anything about. It’s possible to experience these qualities in your everyday life because they are intrinsic to the real YOU. They are your birthright to feel, express, and live!
From depression to vital aliveness in an instant
Ever since I was a child I lived with extreme anger, anxiety, and depression. Then in 1990, when I was 28-years-old, something unfathomable happened. A spontaneous internal shift released the misery I had lived with my whole life. It was miraculous. From one moment to the next the entire negativity was gone. It was as if it had never existed. I felt alive, vibrant, and truly happy for the first time in my life. I had no idea a person could feel this wonderful. To my utter surprise, I no longer functioned from my habitual negative, depressive self. This delightful way of being, which I call true freedom lasted four weeks. After that, my regular negativity resurfaced and took over again. But now I knew a much better way of life was possible. I vowed I wouldn’t rest until I regained this expanded state of being and lived from it for the rest of my life. As my gift to you, you can click here to read the section from Part 4 of my unbook titled First Glimpse & A Healing so you can find out exactly what took place.
The vow that changed everything
After I made this promise to myself I began to explore ways in which I could release my deeply held, lifelong negativity in the quickest manner possible. I assumed that working on myself was the ticket to regaining the state of true freedom. I engaged in all kinds of personal growth and self-improvement methods to assist me in this endeavor. By then, I had already begun my career in the field of personal transformation. I was helping children with the left and right brain balancing modality called Brain Gym® overcome their learning difficulties, attention deficit and/or hyperactivity disorders in a quick and fun fashion.
It was Bert Hellinger’s trans-generational systemic Family Constellations therapy, however, that generated the most amazing results for me. This is why I was compelled to study this work and eventually was moved to offer what I had learned to the public.
A shocking revelation
To me Constellation Work was like a super highway that offered a fast track to true freedom. I loved facilitating constellations and was certain I’d offer Constellation Work for the rest of my life. But in December 2005, a flash-knowing revealed to me that the personal self doesn’t exist the way it is commonly believed. This revelation made my professional work instantly inconsequential. I was faced with an existential dilemma. If the personal self does not exist what benefit does my work have?
Until that moment, my work revolved around making the personal self better, less restricted, less negative, less depressed, less anxious, less sad, and so on. However, I now realized that self-improvement entrapped people in a never-ending merry-go-round. There would never be an end to self-improvement because there would always be another issue, another challenge, another problem that needed to be worked on. I understood that the personal self could not experience true freedom.
With this realization I knew I needed to close the doors to my business. My intent with offering Constellation Work was to help people access true freedom. Now that I knew I wasn’t able to do that I was not willing to continue my work. I didn’t give a moment’s consideration what this might mean to my livelihood and future. I simply walked away from my profession and the life I’d built for almost two decades.
The liberation process - an unknown phenomenon
What took place after I walked away from my business has been the ride of a lifetime. Within six months, a deconstruction process ensued, which erased most of the makeup of my personal self. You can watch a brief 4-minute video about the personal self's makeup by clicking here. The previously sturdy sense of Margot Ridler became ever more flimsy. The many thoughts, beliefs, ideas, concepts, values, and meanings that had belonged to my Margot Ridler persona disappeared one by one. Additionally, the ability to remain plugged into my regular Western lifestyle became impossible. I was rendered homeless and eventually also penniless.
Having my personal self and stable life disassembled made absolutely no sense. During all the years of my professional studies in the arena of personal growth and transformation I’d never heard or read anything about this kind of deconstruction happening to anyone. I began calling this freeing-up and cleansing movement liberation process as I felt ever more liberated from the restrictions my Margot Ridler programming had imposed upon the otherwise effortless flow of life.
In 2008, after having endured three years in utter bewilderment, having no idea why this enormous loss and deconstruction had occurred, I came upon some fascinating written material. From it I understood that what I had been undergoing is traditionally called a spiritual awakening process. Apparently, from what I read I was on a trajectory to realize directly for myself my eternal, non-physical true nature - the true Self, which exists beyond the personal self.
Learning to rely on my inner guidance
Since I found myself internally empty and void of the Margot Ridler persona that once was there, I needed to learn a new way of operating in life. When you live from your true nature, all the normal fears, worries, and uncertainties are no longer activated. No mental chattering occurs. No anxieties about how to live or what to do with your life surface. No confusion or concern about anything is present. Instead, aliveness, happiness, joy, and an internal calm are experienced.
I began having a bird’s eye view of life that allowed me to notice intricate aspects of human interactions I had been unaware of before. Previously, my mind had been preoccupied with non-stop internal mental babbling. My emotions were regularly stuck in fear, needing, hoping, wishing, liking, and disliking. I was incapable of being fully present and taking accurate notice of what was happening around me. My experiences were tainted by preconceived notions, beliefs, and habitual perspectives. My view of life, myself, and other people was extremely biased. However now, my perceptions were clearly seeing what was in front of me. I was learning to live in my every day from my intuition and innate guidance-system that directed my every step.
Spiritual Enlightenment - the ultimate goal of human beings
Finally, in November 2009, at the age forty-seven, my twenty-year search to re-gain true freedom came to an end. In an instant the veil lifted that had allowed me to previously perceive only the material world. I was now able to also see the non-physical true nature of everything that is physical, including myself. This moment, when the underlying formlessness of physical matter is recognized, it is traditionally called spiritual enlightenment. However, I called this moment clear-seeing since that term best described what happened for me. It was the ultimate “aha!" I’d been after since I was twenty-eight years old. The flash-knowing from December 2005 suddenly made sense. I now knew directly for myself that the personal self did not exist. Only the true Self exists, which is immaterial, eternal, and impersonal. It's where true happiness, true joy, true peace, and true freedom reside.
Sharing what I learned and helping others
Since 2012, after a six year hiatus, I've dedicated my life anew to facilitating Constellation Work, but this time with a spiritually awake, clear-seeing perspective. I've come to understand the profound value of Constellation Work in the liberation process and accessing true freedom. After all, it was Constellation Work that had assisted me in my own journey towards freedom. Looking back I'm able to to see how Constellation Work can help others as well. My work now supports people not in improving but in deconstructing their personal self's programmed makeup so that the true Self can shine forth freely.
Please read the description how my work differs from traditional Family Constellation Work by clicking here. If you're interested in working with me, please read through the Introduction to My One-on-One Programs page by clicking here. On that page I've outlined the steps to follow and pre-requisites I have if you want to work with me. Thank you for your interest. I look forward hearing from you.